Alan Keyes is a schmuck, and I have the proof

I just realized that Alan Keyes doesn't think I should be married. I'm straight and married to a man and all that "conservatively correct" stuff, but... I'm not procreating!

In a speech given May 14, 2004 at a Boston "Defense of Marriage Rally," Mr. Keyes said:

"The relationship between man and woman can be incidentally about pleasure, but essentially about procreation and family, and things that in fact transcend the immediate gratification of the parties involved."

So, girls, if you've ever been on The Pill (and who hasn't?)... guys, if you've ever made Mr. Happy wear a raincoat... YOU'RE BEING BAD. Keyes also went on to state:

"...throughout human history, there has been an acknowledgment that, well, marriage is about family; it's about having kids."

By the time I married Lex, we were both on pretty solid mutual ground because we had done the best thing couples can do: We TALKED. About finances. About families. About where to spend which holidays. About expectations around housekeeping, work, etc.

And we decided that, if God was gonna (in my words) "sneak one past the goal post," we would welcome the child, but that we weren't going to go out of our way to have a child together. We didn't think procreation was a necessary "proof" of our love for each other. My daughter agreed with us; she was nine at the time. "I don't want to spend my entire high school career possibly babysitting for you!" Smart kid. Maybe we should have tried for another soul as good as Laura... but I had alreaday begun menopause. To use choice phrase which I'm sure I'll get angry postings about, let's face facts: I'm shooting tard eggs here.

So all you lovely octogenarians who want to marry and move into the same room at your senior housing; all you infertile couples; all your fortysomethings who just don't think your bad back can handle the bedrest you know they'll put you on at some point... fuggeddaboutit. You're just not fertile enough, or else you're so damned selfish that you don't want to create yet another consumer on this overburdened planet.

It should be noted that, shortly after Mr. Keyes' failed attempt to schmooze his way back into the Senate by backing the notorious Ohio referendum banning same-sex marriage (the referendum passed, unfortunately), Keyes' own son came out of the closet and went public about it. Keyes threw him out of the family.

There's some downhome family values for you, right?

So Lex and I are just playing house, by these rules. Good thing we have the marriage license anyway; it affords us all sorts of benefits that my sisters-in-law don't have. And I won't rest until that wrong is righted and ALL adults have the right to marry regardless of gender.